Day 13: No Big Deal

I believe I mentioned in my first post that I have a longstanding relationship with the "All or Nothing Lizard." Yesterday, for various reasons, I decided to skip a day of class and then spent a lot of time being disappointed with myself. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep and it was one of the things that was keeping me up. I have learned not to fight sleeplessness. I get up, go to the bathroon, drink something and go back to bed. If I'm still awake 20 minutes later, then I get up and clean the kitchen, sort through my e-mail, or take a bath and read a book. After about an hour or two, I go back to bed and usually back to sleep.

This morning I took care of some work projects and then took a bath. The cats came in to see what was going on {they love it when I'm up in the night!} and as I sat in the tub I looked the skipped class squarely in the eye. What was really the issue? I decided I was afraid I was in the grip of the "All or Nothing Lizard." I didn't want to report to you that I had "failed." What a terrible master fear is! Back to what Pema Chodron and J.R. {my eminently practical and loving boyfriend} say: "No Big Deal."

"No Big Deal" is a very new thing for me. I make everything into a big deal all the time, but I am slowly {very slowly} learning to let things go. It was really no big deal that I had skipped a day. I'll make it up or I won't, but I'll still continue the challenge. I'll still continue to give it as much as I can. I'll still continue to have a regular practice when the challenge is through.

Today's class was very hot, very wet, and terrific! Lynne noticed that I was now able to touch my thumbs to my forehead in paschimotthanasana and I noticed that both my cobra and locust {!} were much stronger. I could lift myself much higher and my back was really starting to feel stronger. Take that Mr. Lizard! I am not going to quit!

I dedicate this post to J.R. because today is Valentine's Day, tomorrow is J.R.'s birthday, and every day he is loving, supportive, and teaching me that a lot of stuff in my life is really no big deal. He, on the other hand, means a GREAT BIG DEAL!